I am the type of girl who builds up events and days and weeks into some magnificent un-realistic idea.
Then the event and day and week take their turn in my life and the idea is usually shattered by disappointment of un-met expectations.
I would be categorized as a dreamer I think.
I have been throwing the idea around in my head often lately, about how I can help curb the way I form things in my head. Because maybe, if I just learn not to be so uptight about things, I could find rest and contentment and experience the Joy of my reality.
I feel like I’m missing my kids childhood to much. Like I am spending time dusting and running errands and focusing on the next event and plucking my eyebrow hair. I know it sounds silly coming from someone who has her kids 24-7 but its really easy for me to slip into a mindset of being busy with the wrong things.
Yes, I oversee their math gets done and their chores are completed and their teeth are brushed. I’m there for that. I was there when Mercedes makes it into Target and in the dollar section wants to know if anyone has seen her tooth she just lost for the first time! No one had seen it. In fact she probably swallowed it with the sandwich she was just knawing on. It did give an older lady a good chuckle though!
I feel like a broken record preaching about balance all the time, but really, thats a big part of our lives is balancing to meet the needs of ourselves and our kids and everyone else. I want to learn to be here and to not allow the things in my life to control my attitude. I tell my kids if they have a possession that is becoming more important than a sibling or friend that maybe, they need to take a second look at that object and possibly get rid of it. Now, we use this in balance. I’m not saying that I can’t be upset if a child purposely messes up a 500 piece puzzle I was working on, or little dude doesn’t have a right to be upset about his sister breaking up his lego master piece. Maybe I need to practice what I preach and just box up all this stuff and sell it, donate and trash! Really, do I need to keep this box of hundreds of little party bags around? Where did these even come from? And am I going to be a part of a huge birthday party that needs hundreds of favors?
Let it go.
What I am saying is, for me as a mother and manager of our house, it takes a lot of discipline to recognize what is important and should come first on a daily basis. Like Bible and Prayer come first, and school work in the mornings comes before re-organizing the kitchen cupboards. Or maybe thinking ahead on dinner before dinner time gets there might be a habit I need to change!
Its hard to get my ducks in a row. Jesus knows this about me. That I flail around like a cat in a water bucket. Scrambling to make things just so and then hope I have time when I’m done to enjoy it. Why do I try so hard to find whats right there? I just want to stop worrying about the mess, the laundry that isn’t put away yet and the get a grip on a balance of grace for myself. And if I can’t get over the stuff making me grouchy, maybe its time to think about getting rid of it. My family is more important than stuff.
This year, the habit I am working to form is going to be finding Joy in the moment I’m in.
I all to often am waiting for Joy and happiness to come find me. And thats not how they work. Joy, and peace and a calm spirit are right there inside me sitting on a dusty shelf the whole time. I just need to come to the realization that I can access them at any point when I WANT too. Its my choice and how easy its forgotten that its my choice.
I do not have to let the circumstances that surround me dictate me finding Joy and Peace.
And by my own evil desire, I am dragged away and enticed…
Lord, hold my hand, because this girl is just a clumsy fool of an Alice.
That frozen song, Let it Go, has more meaning to adults then kids I think. Breathe thru the day, big belly breaths and be thankful the pile of laundry that isn’t put away is clean not dirty!
Happy New Year!