I think if there was a competition for the States worst communicator complemented by stubbornness, I might be 4th or 5th in the ranking.
The Higher winners medals would go to (and I say this lovingly) a few of my immediate family members.
I don’t know how many dumb arguments could have been prevented by just checking an attitude tone or just shutting my mouth all together about silly things and by simply being clear about what I need or want to say! Arguments and often start many times because of selfishness on one or two parties part. Like for instance, what I believed the color of our truck was. This was one for the earlier years and goes into the Dumbest Argument Book of World Records and yes, it was an argument. We actually couldn’t agree if the color was green or grey! He insisted I must be a little color blind. Maybe I am. I don’t even remember how it was resolved, I do know it sabotaged worship at church that morning. (it was resolved by looking up the factor name for the paint which was deep forrest green) **note inserted by chris 😉
Miscommunications, this one is a two part harmony. One of us, (usually me) fumbles the words so bad, it is completely frustrating to the other person, and is lacking in information and gets an assumption stamped on it hastily which then gets chewed into a huge mouthful of agitation and impatience followed quickly by acid words gets spit out burning the other person in the process. (More like a train wreck hitting head on then a two part harmony.) Verbal Speech, is to fast for my brain sometimes. When I get pushed or hurried, I make mistakes. And if the husband doesn’t have the patience for it, I most always have the stubbornness to complement his impatience.
How many times do we start a little ball rolling with some little insignificant thing and it rolls right on into a ball so big that it could lodge itself in the Grand Canyon? Why, can’t we just “grow up” and let it go? That would mean one of us would have to surrender, waving the little white flag, and it would mean one of us would have to say, (gulp) “I’m sorry, lets try this again”.
I’m sure there is a great psychological explanation for why I do this. (And you might do this.) It’s usually about power and control and selfishness. “I know more then you do”, or “I don’t like you so lets find something to make it known”, or ” Oh ya? Well take this!”
Just like our kids hit back often when one of them smacks the other, even if its an accident. I have just graduated to a more grown up version of that. Using, words and dirty looks and manipulation.
One of our favorite movies is the The Incredibles, a family that is all completely different with different super powers. And mom and Dad have some communication issues, and they fight , there real, and they work thru it, and they choose to work together and life rumbles on. What Elastigirl found, was that what she assumed was correct, was not the case at all.
She was wrong. Thank heavens she was wrong.
I am wrong many times when I make assumptions with my mate. I have problems making assumptions, and then I have problems acting as if the assumptions are truth. Then, I get myself into trouble when my attitude shows up on my face and creeps into my tone and then I get nailed for the snot I am portraying. And I wonder, why do I do this to myself? Why can’t I just be pleasant and cordial about everything? Why do I find it such a challenge? We all have our tougher issues, this is one of mine.
My Grandmother wrote to me in a letter once before I got married. She said that saying I’m sorry is just as easy as saying I love you. Is this true? Are they one in the same? Out of all the letters I got before being married, (And I thank my sister for requesting them for me) I think about that phrase more then any other within the book.
I find it uncomfortable to say I love you. I say it, because it is uncomfortable and just like I work my body in discomfort, I must work my mind and heart. And it will get easier as I do it more and more. I have gotten better with communication and assumptions. I guess the older you get your suppose to be better and wiser at this kind of thing, as long as your purposely trying to grow. And that last sentence is key, I have to keep growing and keep trying, or I will become more set in my selfish ways, and then a really old grouch I will become and a dirty nursing home I might live… (wow that sounded a bit like yoda at the end..) **note inserted by chris 😉
And so, I’m sorry Honey. I love you.
If you would like to start this “Ham” conversation over again, I promise I will try and be more clear about what it is I’m asking. I do Love you and our time should be better spent talking thru a more productive topic. Not arguing about a piece of meat. What are we, cavemen?
Sigh… I love you + I’m sorry