I stay at home with four children.
It’s what I have always wanted to do since I was a girl.
Well, there was a time I wanted to be a nurse, but after I figured out that nurse duties turned me the color green, I decided that maybe that wasn’t the path for me. I don’t turn green with blood and my own kids though, which is a miracle in and of itself. I guess I know I have to be brave, or my little ducklings will not get the medical help they need, and I know that fainting, is just not an option for operation mom.
Some times, I remember how much I loved playing with dolls. I would have several of them and went so far as to take them out of our little make believe church service and discipline them for talking during service. They had diapers, real bottles, baby clothes, real strollers and infant car seats. I loved it and played with them for hours, along with my younger sister. Then, when I got tired of playing, I put them away in the closet till next time. Until one day, I never came back to play with them. I had grown and the days of dolls were over.
I now have real live dolls, that I can’t put away in a closet when I am tired of them or they won’t stop talking, or they are fighting with a sibling, or they are persistent and something they need or want. In fact as I am writing this post, I am facilitating a game of “Whats In Ned’s Head” with the two youngest. (Multi tasking, is of course a big part of getting anything extra done at this stage.)
Being a real live mom is a exhausting. I get discouraged. And many days, I’m wondering just what in the world did I do all day? I know I did something, because I’m tired, and I feel like I just went thru a mental marathon. But, it feels like, if there is nothing visual to show for my day, then why am I doing what I do everyday all over again?
This reminds me of a cartoon or picture I saw on more then one occasion. It’s a picture of a mom sitting in her bathrobe, feet propped up on the couch, popcorn in a bowl. And the entire house is destroyed. Dishes undone, toys strewn all over, pillows amiss, dog on the table, just a wreck. And the husband is standing there with his briefcase just coming in the door staring with mouth hung open. The woman says, “well, you keep asking me what I do everyday, so I thought today I wouldn’t do it to show you what I did!”
Now, my husband does not ask me what I do everyday. This is not about my husband, but the whole picture of me wondering what I do everyday, the cartoon is very true to me! This is what my house would look like if we lived there and did nothing.
Where there are people, there becomes a mess. I am not talking about just material things. I am talking about attitudes as well. And isn’t it interesting how the material things can cause a mess with our attitudes? I have found myself on more then one occasion, telling a kid that if their toy is more important then their sibling that they would have such a nasty attitude about it, the toy needed to go bye bye. Because, people are more important then an item. Now, obviously that doesn’t mean that they have to share every little thing or not be upset when someone breaks something dear to them, but its about their “Gollum” gleam that is just not ok.
I just had one of those days, where I am wondering what I did. I call it “spinning my wheels”. There is still a kid waiting for me to play a game with him. And I will do that. In “Operation Mom,” my real live game is going to be over almost as quick as my childhood game of dolls. And when the season is over, I want to be seeing “what I did” was good and long lasting into another generation. Because, right now? This season of raising kids, I most likely won’t be seeing what I did till they are grown or much older. What did I do all day? I was helping shape and mold the lives and attitudes of pliable little souls. (And oh,I put away laundry too.)